Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Kickstarter This

In case you missed it, this genius idiot has now raised more than FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on Kickstarter to make a freaking potato salad. People are giving this dude their hard-earned money to let this guy make a $10 lunch that according to him, "might not be that good."

Now, I have nothing against Kickstarter and Indiegogo, having donated my own scarce cash to the Veronica Mars movie, the Reading Rainbow project, and other cool projects my friends have started. And I'm not even against doing things for irony's sake, as I "ironically" watch things like The Bachelorette and actually really want to go to that Williamsburg artisan mayonnaise store. But c'mon people. This guy has essentially been given $50,000 for absolutely nothing at all. We're better than that.

But let's be honest here. The real reason I'm so incensed is because I didn't come up with this idea myself. I only wish people had told me it was this easy! I have a laundry list of things I could Kickstarter that I'd love to abuse the hipster population with. For example:
  • I need to pay my rent. 
    • Reward: I won't be squatting in your home
  • The search for the best donut in America. Need to take a cross-country road trip to find out where it is. 
    • Reward: I'll tell you where this donut is. Maybe.
  • Goal: Finding the perfect temperature and time for microwaving popcorn. 
    • Reward: You now know the secret to my crappy microwave!
  • I'd like to stop dieting and just get liposuction already.
    • Reward: One less fatty in America
  • Must know the perfect Coke Zero combination in the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine
    • Reward: Secret recipe
  • I need to support my binge-watching habits so I'd just like to quit my job already
    • Reward: Definitive ranking of all of Netflix's shows
  • I heard that Australia is a really nice place to visit. I'd like to test this theory
    • Reward: I'll let you know whether, in fact, Australia is a really nice place to visit.
  • I live in the most expensive city in the country. Just give me money. 
    • Reward: Continued gentrification of Brooklyn. 

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