Saturday, August 6, 2011

I don't know what the future holds. And that's ok.

Hey guys and gals. Let me confess something to you all: I have no idea what the future will bring. For the first time in my life, I have no clue where my life is headed. At first, this really scared me. A lot. But after having a good talk with a friend recently, I had an epiphany. That it's ok to live in the moment. To embrace things as they come.

All my life, I've had a plan. I was going to do good in school so that I could get into BYU. I knew I wanted to be a communications major since I was 15. I did everything I could to make sure I could get into the PR program. I've always made sure I had a job to be able to live comfortably. I've kept up my grades so I could get scholarships. I always wanted to go on a study abroad - and knew that summer before my junior year I would go on one.

But now, I'm not so sure. I got my lowest grade in college this last spring term, and it really shook me. When people ask me what I want to do when I graduate college, I either make something up or tell them I honestly have no clue. People in my major keep telling me I need to get an internship, or two, or three, before I really have to. And I don't really have this urgent desire to. I love my current job. I have no idea who I'm going to live with this next semester. How I'm going to balance life this next semester. Will I ever meet that special someone? The list goes on and on.

One of my favorite things about my study abroad was that I had no worries. I could live day to day without a care in the world. I lived each day to the fullest and didn't stress about tomorrow. I want to have that feeling back. All I know is that I want to stop stressing about things I can't control. To put my trust in the Lord and stop being so stubborn. To have faith that he will lead me in the right path. To let what's supposed to happen, happen.

Those are just some of my late-night, sleep deprived thoughts. I have no idea what this next year has in store for me. And I couldn't be more excited about it.

Oh, and another goal for this year: to stop being such a wallflower. I need to learn to say no and stick up for myself. To focus on what makes me happy and not necessarily what makes other people happy. Call that selfish, I call it therapeutic. I can't take being taken advantage of all the time anymore. It's never done me much good, anyways. This year is me time.

Get ready world, a new Chelsey is coming. And she's going to be awesome :)

(P.S. Crazy, Stupid, Love is a great movie. You all should go see it :)

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